Sup bitches. Y'all are voting for Donald Trump right?
Luckily, us Republicans won a huge battle against the media recently. NBC ain't allowed to host any more of our debates! Isn't it great? How dare NBC ask us the same condescending questions that the Democrats are asked by other media outlets? We should be treated with respect. After all, we only treat Democrats with said respect by bashing them at every given moment, the same way they don't to us!
Anyways, our candidates have some of the best tax plans. They'll cut taxes big time! Don't use logic to work this out. Simply think about how you won't have to pay those pesky taxes. Don't think about how the government won't be able to sufficiently fund your basic public services like infrastructure and education.
Not to mention that the money you do give us will be going into defense to defend against those ISIS motherfuckers! Even though ISIS has no air force and therefore no practical means of moving through several civilized countries and sailing across an ocean to get to America, nor any motive to attack America instead of other nearby and more vulnerable countries, we'll never have to worry about losing our freedom.
Speaking of ISIS- the recent attacks in Paris were tragic. But does anyone remember Obama saying something like this:
GET REKT OBAMA! See, mass shootings do happen in other countries!
Now, I know what you're thinking- "The mass shootings that happen in America are due to terrible gun laws and crazy people gaining access to guns, not because of terrorism like the Paris attack".
Well, here's what I have to say about that:
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)TL;DR:
Suck my balls. Vote for The Donald.