I sifted through these mails, while looking for a way to contact someone in Masters without having to write a new mail, and discovered a few gems that made me laugh.

Gem #1: [20] Recruitment, by szeweningen

Hello,

After turmoil of recent weeks we decided to have a stable recruitment system in place in order to ensure no more problems within the clan.In any case to all in this thread that are not currently in [20] now (with exception of gnuff and tim) I'd like to congratulate you on being voted in to [20]. We sent invited to all of you and hope you will join soon. Just to clarify a few things in advance:

a) we voted on no alt policy so you'd have to join with your main accont
b) you can freely represent any other clan you wish in leagues or other events, 20 intends to work more as a showcase and meeting place for best players (I already advised tim and gnuff to remain with an alt in their respective clans)
c) of course you can decline, but know that if you really were voted in here, it's kinda obvious you belong here :)

Now, go and join!

-----

Why it is funny to me:

1. Presumptuous: Nobody asked to join, but they are being congratulated on being voted in?
2. Arrogant: We voted you in, so you belong with us...now go and join! Haha.
3. Desperate: You have to marry us (join with your main account), but you can have sex with anyone you want on the side (play for any clan you want).
4. None of the people on the mail list seemed to care, and none joined. Haha.

Edited 11/29/2015 08:11:41

Gem #2: gui by Ruthless Bastard

RB: i dont know if you guys are just messing with me, but im not gui. 8/12/14

PDP: I know, because now I am. 11/23/15

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Gem #3: Idiot? by Philomenn

[Apparently this is the continuation of an argument from a game. Here is the discourse in its entirety:]

P: Fuck you, you arrogant asshole. I just dislike playing with random factors unlike you noobs.

PDP: Im sure thats all true, but it doesnt change the fact that the host cannot change the settings once hes made the game.

P: But he could rehost a game and invite the players in the room. It'd take 30 seconds, I just asked if he could activate pure-skill setting, that's all. I really hate playing with luck factors, especially against experienced players, I want a fair and square match. That if you lose you can't blame it because you started in Italia/France/Greece/Spain... So stop acting as a figjam and have respect. I don't see any link between asking for a no-luck game and being stupid/autistic. Especially when autist people are usually more intelligent than "normal" people.

PDP: do people usually do that for you?

P: Sometimes they do it when they don't mind playing with pure-skill activated. Some people prefer luck factors for their games and I accept that, but insulting me because I prefer logic over luck is childish mate.

PDP: im not your mate. i insulted you because you were asking for something that was not possible.

P: Lol.

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Why it is funny to me:

1. Because Philomenn (he loves men?) writes so much and piggy manipulates him to some extent.
2. Piggy cares so little that he doesn't even bother with punctuation and grammar rules.
3. Philomenn uses proper grammar and punctuation on lol. Lol.

Edited 11/29/2015 08:23:47

Lol, weren't you in 20 though? Im sure you were or am I confusing you for someone else

I thought that you were completely dead. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A zombie piggy.

Piggy joined 20 in order to gain access to templates there. I quit 20 because there is no benefit to being in it. The last message on the clan's forum was from Vulpes, the Gui look-alike.

Gem #4: the art of war, by professor dead piggy

[I hadn't talked with anyone on Warlight for months, and Piggy was starting to miss me. So he made this thread to ask me about something he knows that interests me. Such a kind person.]

PDP: I think I am finally ready to tackle the mighty art of war. Which translation do you think does the original justice?

Qi: They are probably all more or less the same. [I didn't really care.]

PDP: Can I use the SVG of your china map please? I want to alter it slightly for a strat 3v3. [He still wants to chat.]

Qi: [While I am waiting at a bus station in rural Taiwan...] ok. i have a gregarious homeless guy at a bus station who keeps touching my legs. i tried to be friendly. but it is hot and he started putting both hands above my knees. that started getting annoying. so i told him in english stop fucking touching me. his face started twitching because i probably looked like i wanted to kick his ass. so i tried to change my appearance a bit to look less threatening. i dont want to deal with a crazy guy. i got up and moved and sat next to some university girl. it is a bit odd to sit so close when other seats are available so i apologized to her in Chinese, saying, "sorry for sitting so close. a begger over there keeps touching me." her response was priceless. "沒關係” it's not a problem. haha. he touched my hands a few times. i learned my lesson: bring hand sanitizer with me. he wreaks. and this bus doesn't have a bathroom. now my hands are dirty so i wont touch my face for three hours. for my svg: just sign into my account and download it. while you're signed in, fuck around with sze's 2v2 ladder run while you're at it! haha [Sze was using my account for another failed 2v2 ladder run.]

PDP: Thank you, If you wrote an anthology of vignettes about your life you should call this one "a gregarious homeless guy". Sze is going to make some very serious misclicks. I hope he doesnt read this before you do.

[Eventually we philosophize about a few topics and even discuss The Art of War. His tactic worked.]

The author of The Art of War, Sun Tzu plays Warlight with his ghost.

https://www.warlight.net/Profile?p=673071705
I think that his profile says that he is British becuase he plays from a museum in England.

Wait, so dead piggy was taken over by gui? I don't understand the POV here

Why don't you give us your password and then we can read all your funny mails :)

Wow.... lol

I remember I used to write weird junk to random people to give them a disorientated feeling. Here's one of them



(Thread was in French)

Belge? by Inin Rhalo

I: Are you Belgian?

BG: Of course! I'm called [Belgian Gentleman] for a reason. I can also speak Dutch if you want.

I: OK, that was just to verify. I just want to have your opinion on the map that I've created and already is public. (Flying Scorpion)

BG: With pleasure!




[ 20 days later ]

I: Hello again. My new map is finished. It's about "Erossus" the Dragon". Can you please comment one more time on my map and rate it? I'll be delighted if you do so. You give me the impression that you're a very good map creator so your review is very important to me.

BG: I thank you again. It was nothing.

You have recieved a dog



Sincerely,

The King [Belgian Gentleman]




He then never responded again ...

Edited 11/29/2015 12:26:21

" out of 1 person found this review helpful" I wonder if it was him him... LOL!

Qi: [While I am waiting at a bus station in rural Taiwan...] ok. i have a gregarious homeless guy at a bus station who keeps touching my legs. i tried to be friendly. but it is hot and he started putting both hands above my knees. that started getting annoying. so i told him in english stop fucking touching me. his face started twitching because i probably looked like i wanted to kick his ass. so i tried to change my appearance a bit to look less threatening. i dont want to deal with a crazy guy. i got up and moved and sat next to some university girl. it is a bit odd to sit so close when other seats are available so i apologized to her in Chinese, saying, "sorry for sitting so close. a begger over there keeps touching me." her response was priceless. "沒關係” it's not a problem. haha. he touched my hands a few times. i learned my lesson: bring hand sanitizer with me. he wreaks. and this bus doesn't have a bathroom. now my hands are dirty so i wont touch my face for three hours. for my svg: just sign into my account and download it. while you're signed in, fuck around with sze's 2v2 ladder run while you're at it! haha [Sze was using my account for another failed 2v2 ladder run.]

you wrote all that on your mobile? with your gregarious homeless guy contaminated hands?! hope you burned it afterwards! (the mobile, not the gregarious homeless guy)

Edited 11/29/2015 13:44:57

Haha i like funny mail posts. I'll have to read these later. First one i didn't get a chuckle out of though :/

At first I was like: Wow privacy much?

Then I read and was like: Well, Piggy would've probably wanted you to do this anyways.

Sze is going to make some very serious misclicks. I hope he doesnt read this before you do.

I lol'd at that. I remember reading these myself tbh when I had the account. It is pretty entertaining.