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The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 15:26:51


Darth Darth Binks
Level 56
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IT'S TIME TO STOP! Why the f*ck do people keep making this sh*t? People go to watch them because they personify their book, but the movies flop every time! There are three Biblical movies that I see being watched and/or glorified to this date: The Ten Commandments, The Passion, and the Prince of Egypt, and the Ten Commandments isn't even that good, for how long it is.

I think there's over FIVE Biblical movies coming out this year. Why? Who honestly thinks "Risen" is going to do good in the box office? Here's my prediction: People will go to see it the first weekend it comes out, reaching #1 or #2. People will realize that the movie sucks, OR, the movie will be okay, but it has certain aspects that were not seen in the Bible, and people will say it sucks because of that reason.

Now the TV show, "the Bible," was pretty decent. Good effects, the man who played Satan looks like Barack Obama (I found this a funny coincidence, but others were flaming over it, which makes me a bit mad. If the guy was chosen to play the part, then that means he's the best they had. F*ck you guys for not realizing that), and it was overall nicely done. Its sequel wasn't bad, either, although it was not as good.

If I want to experience the story of Jesus Christ, I will A) Read the damn book, or B) go see a local church's play called "Messiah (I think)," which is actually better than the Passion, and more exciting than reading the book, because the church puts its back into this play. The church is in Western Pennsylvania, and called "Word of Life." If you are in the area when it will be taking place, I suggest you give it a look-see.

In short, screw off, Hollywood. You're milking a cow that was never alive. Instead of wasting money on movies based off the Bible and other religious books, how about making a good Eragon movie, or maybe even a Diablo movie. I really want to see this. It can be good if you play the right cards. A) Don't use Blizzard's CGI! I can't take that Warcraft movie seriously because it uses Blizzard's software. It's obviously CGI! B) Don't half-ass it. Don't just make it as a promoter for the games. Well, that's just what i think.

If you want to experience the Bible, read the Bible!
*sigh*
Stay edgy, and have a nice time.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 15:30:21


Cata Cauda 
Level 57
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The Passion is actually a very good film.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 15:45:08


{Canidae} Kretoma
Level 57
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I have never seen another biblical film apart from the cartoon version of a Prince of Egypt and the life of Brian. Where did you get the information about this if you do not search for it. ;)
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 16:05:33

Luna {TJC}
Level 56
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Yeah there have been some really terrible Biblical movies which is kind of funny when there is material that if adapted correctly could make really good films.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 16:09:07


GeneralPE
Level 56
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I liked the Bible series too. What is your opinion of non-Biblical religious movies like God's not Dead?
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 16:29:51


Darth Darth Binks
Level 56
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I have never seen another biblical film apart from the cartoon version of a Prince of Egypt and the life of Brian. Where did you get the information about this if you do not search for it. ;)

I like movies, Kret. I search for movies I might like to see in theaters and I got bombarded with Biblical movies.

What is your opinion of non-Biblical religious movies like God's not Dead?

Meh. If you are not a Christian, then you won't enjoy them in the slightest. The Bible has some good stories, regardless of one's beliefs. However, movies like "God's Not Dead," and "Heaven is for Real" (which sucked), have no way to attract people other than Christians. I will say that I watched one that was about Jesus coming back, but they didn't know he was Jesus until the end. It was pretty good.

Edited 2/12/2016 16:30:29
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 16:50:44

SVY
Level 47
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...how about making a good Eragon movie

It would still never work. The source material, the book series, is nearly as appalling as the movie. Heavily derivative of better works, piss-poor writing and characterization, a Mary Sue protagonist, a predictable, tension-lacking plot and logical pitfalls like authorial ignorance of how battles are fought. The Star Wars and Lotr fandom would throw a fit if a better remake was released (or even worse, if the film series was continued.)

Ironically enough, Eragon (the first book) is the best-written book out of the whole series.

Edited 2/12/2016 16:56:49
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 17:00:39


Zephyrum 
Level 60
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Of course Ten Commandments sucked.

Down here we can only properly do the voice acting part and acting.

Making the entire movie is not really our forte.

You shouldn't expect much from a brazilian movie, specially if you watch a dub in some other language.

...But I have to disagree with Prince of Egypt. I find it entertaining, sorta. Check out Doug Walker's review - he pretty much sees it just like I do.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 18:15:27


Darth Darth Binks
Level 56
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I never said I didn't like Prince of Egypt, I said it was one of three still being talked about.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 18:49:57


Lord Varys
Level 47
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Meh.

Most Christian movies have much smaller budgets, less talented (cheaper) actors, etc.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 19:23:48


[AOE] JaiBharat909
Level 56
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I liked 10 Commandments. Everything else was downhill from there.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 19:50:56


MightySpeck (a Koala) 
Level 57
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do you they would actually get guys that weren't circumcised for the part where they circumcise that whole town.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 23:00:39


Von Jewburg
Level 35
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I liked Prince of Egypt. Although somewhat inaccurate, it was a really, really good biblical movie, and a movie in general.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 23:18:24


Angry Koala
Level 57
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BURN THE BIBLE BURN THE HERETICS! ALLAHU AKBAR!!!
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/12/2016 23:19:01


Cata Cauda 
Level 57
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^
Told you it is a salafist
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 01:15:05


MightySpeck (a Koala) 
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The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 01:35:42


Жұқтыру
Level 55
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It would still never work. The source material, the book series, is nearly as appalling as the movie. Heavily derivative of better works, piss-poor writing and characterization, a Mary Sue protagonist, a predictable, tension-lacking plot and logical pitfalls like authorial ignorance of how battles are fought. The Star Wars and Lotr fandom would throw a fit if a better remake was released (or even worse, if the film series was continued.)

Ironically enough, Eragon (the first book) is the best-written book out of the whole series.


I liked Eragon, and the whole tetrology. I don't care if it's "derivative of better works", every book derives from other books, why should this matter? The writing was very flowing, making seemlingly boringness, like waiting in prison for 2 hours suspenceful and apprehensive, but also slow. I have no idea what a Mary Sue protagonist, but whatever protagonist it is, I like it. Plots are always forecastable - the fun thing is, how will it get to where it will get to? Fun frain that you get more clues as you go along. Plots don't necessarily need to have tension, just as long as there's something engaging to do every day.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 02:09:55


Thomas 633
Level 56
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Eragon is a shitty book but its light, easy reading imo. Not to much to think about, Eragon kills people who don't want to be there, the elves kill people who don't want to be there, the Varden kill people who don't want to be there etc.
Oh and the end is a heap of s***. The guy always gets the girl FOR A REASON.

*rant ends*
Biblical movies are terrible unless they're spoofs (I really like some of them). Jesus Christ Superstar and Life of Brian are great. Go see Deadpool, you'll like it better than any biblical film.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 03:49:30


Жұқтыру
Level 55
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Eragon is a shitty book but its light, easy reading imo.


It's medium on tongue, but it's not light - all the books are somewhat big.

Not to much to think about, Eragon kills people who don't want to be there, the elves kill people who don't want to be there, the Varden kill people who don't want to be there etc.


What more do you need? It's great.

Oh and the end is a heap of s***. The guy always gets the girl FOR A REASON.


The end did not involve a girl...it was just a surprise grief attack (which was anticlimactic, but realistic - I liked it).
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 04:27:29


Eklipse {TJC}
Level 56
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I don't get the hate for Eragon. Is it a bit like Lord of the Rings? Yeah, but so what? LOTR was an awesome series and I'm glad that others are picking up inspiration.

I wouldn't say the Eragon series is a great work of art, but it's a fun read and that's really the only requirement of fiction in my opinion.

Edited 2/13/2016 04:27:42
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 05:11:30


Жұқтыру
Level 55
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Actually, LOTR I found very boring. I could hardly get through a few bits of the Hobbit. Very poorly written.

it's a fun read and that's really the only requirement of fiction in my opinion.


+1
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 05:30:32


Thomas 633
Level 56
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+1
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 07:11:25


The Man Who'd Buy Spain
Level 29
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+1
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 07:35:30


Genghis 
Level 52
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At least biblical movies don't have black people in them.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 14:02:35


Lord Varys
Level 47
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Genghis!

That's not true. The guy who carries Jesus' cross is black.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 17:10:27


[Wolf] Relmcheatham
Level 56
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The only biblical movie I liked in the last 5 years is "Killing Jesus".


@The Martian


"The Messiah" is sort of like an opera. It is just a bunch of music and people singing/repeating Bible verses in a weird and confusing manner... My school makes us see it every year.
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 18:36:16


Empire of Kilos
Level 31
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The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 18:48:31


Darth Darth Binks
Level 56
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Are you talking about the same play at the same church, Relm?
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 18:57:38


Death 
Level 59
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Everything is subjective...
The Martian Rants: Biblical Movies.: 2/13/2016 21:34:05


Von Jewburg
Level 35
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Biblical Movies aren't really a big problem for me. I don't like or dislike them, except for two new ones:

Noah, and Exodus: Gods and Kings

Biblical movies are supposed to be accurate to scripture. And those two movies are about as close to following their sources as 300. Both of those are pretty much fantasy/action movies, just shoe-horning the Bible into it. Rock angels? Trained Hebrew slave armies?
Posts 1 - 30 of 35   1  2  Next >>   

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