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''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/9/2016 20:22:58


DesertFox
Level 56
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a little story made on the on 25 Dec-1 Jan.
Intended to be a thriller, but i don't think i managed.I will post 1 page from time to time.
Also, english is not my first language, so i might have little or many mistakes .

Page 1.



'' It was winter.Irushin was as 15 years old boy from Mariupol.All his classmates knew him for being a history fanatic and a war-lover.And he had the reason :
His great-grandfather fought in the Great Patriotic War ,his brother is volunteer in Donbass, and Irushin wanted to be a soldier too, but he was too young.
One day, he got as homework to write about a veteran from the war of 41-45.Irushin immediately run to home and prepared all the necessary thing he needed to take interview from one of his neighbours, who fought alongside with his great-grandfather.
‘’-Pavel was a great man and comrade,’’ the old man said.’’We passed all the odds: in Bendery,Uman,Odessa,Nikolaev, Kherson,even in our Mariupol.Until that day, near the Donetsk River …’’
The old man stoped a bit.
’’- It was the last time I … I saw..him…’’He almost starts to cry.’
’-I know’’,Irushin said.’’My father told me that he died there, but nobody knows how actualy.Maybe he got shot.’’
’’-This was not.He died in a more worse way.’’He wanted to cry again, but managed to stop his tears, and continued his story.’’-I think it was December. We were waiting for our enemyes, which at that time were our current neighbours, the Romanians.Fierce fighters, like our own, but I know that this was not their war. ''
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/9/2016 20:26:33


Lolicon love 
Level 56
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Mmh i like so far.
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/9/2016 20:28:06


Lolicon love 
Level 56
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Also because it irks me the most
Enemyes->enemies
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/9/2016 20:28:22


Paugers
Level 41
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Cool story, but yeah the writing is rough :*

What year is it set in?
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/9/2016 20:31:18


Cata Cauda 
Level 57
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Nice, keep going. I like it.
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/9/2016 20:33:28


Cata Cauda 
Level 57
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However, most books dont start with such an abrupt beginning. For example you should start with a war experience of the grandfather, and not directly jump into the plot.
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/10/2016 05:12:02


DesertFox
Level 56
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1.lol: as i said, english is not my first language, so heh..XD

2.Paugers: ''his brother volunteer in Donbass'' have you thought at this phrase ?
anyway, winter of 2014.

3.Cata: i still use 4th-5th class story phrases .But in the page 2, you will find what happend to his great-grandfather.(initialy it was just his grandfather, but then, the father of irushin would be too old lol )
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/10/2016 05:40:22


Major General Smedley Butler
Level 49
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Do a space after a period. Like that.
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/10/2016 05:40:35


Cata Cauda 
Level 57
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Provide us with more pages, please!
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/10/2016 19:16:12


DesertFox
Level 56
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i will post a page once at 2 days
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/11/2016 00:22:01


Cata Cauda 
Level 57
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More please!
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/11/2016 13:28:02


DesertFox
Level 56
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Page 2

Pavel was happy and told me :’’I really want to end this fast, so we may get some hot soup and maybe chicken.Shortly after he ended this, the Romanians started to attack.We launched a counter-attack to stop them and push them them back.In the middle of the hand-to-hand combat, a mysterious,tall,shadow-like figure ,appeared in front of Pavel with just a bayonet.They started to fight until Pavel fell and the shadow managed to stab him in the stomach.I wanted to shoot him, but a shrapnel hit my right arm and feel the ground.Then I saw the horror : even if Pavel was down and not representing a threat for this enemy, the shadow continued his horrific thing.He just simply cut his abdomen , put his hand in and took Pavel’s heart from it, putting it in a pocket, very carefully, then dissapeard like he came.I remained shocked, looking now at a now-dead Pavel.My comerades found me in a sea of tears , most of them frozen on my cheeks , and horiifed too seeing Pavel.
Irushin was terrified.
“-So this is how he died…’’
‘’-Yea, a horrific way to die.’’After 2 hours, Irushin finished his homework , headed home and prepared to sleep, still thinking at how his great-grandfather died.Soon after he fell asleep, he started to dream.Irushin waked up in a white field with black smoke rising from diferent cornes in the sky, and around him, a lot of corpses, frozen to death.Then, I front of his eyes, a big, black shadow was coming towards him, with a shining object in his hand.
The shadow was coming closer and closer,and when he reached Irushin, he prepared to stab him.But Irushin started to yell of fear and waked up from his dream.
‘’-What’s happening dear ?’’ his mother asked, which camed in big hurry to find why his son make noise.
‘’ -Ah ah.I..I..I had a nightmare.A black ghost wanted to kill me ! ‘’
‘’-See if you watch war movies late in night ?They give you nightmares’’
‘’-Yea, but there are no ghosts in those movies mom .And tonight it wasn't one on TV''
‘’-Who knows.I can only say that now you must sleep.’’
‘’-....OK mom ‘’
She kissed his forehead and left the room.Irushin was still thinking about that ghost.He decided to go on Donetsk to search for evidence about this ‘’mad killer’’ and about his great-grandfather.This meant to run from home, from his family, from his present, to stop this nightmare of the past to chase him in the future.

Edited 3/11/2016 13:28:30
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/11/2016 14:15:30


Paugers
Level 41
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Im going to correct this grammatically for ya mate :) then it'll be great.
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/11/2016 14:17:46


DesertFox
Level 56
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if you do so, send it by mail, i don't want to mess the thread :D
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/11/2016 14:25:48


Paugers
Level 41
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Yes sir!
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/13/2016 07:53:41


DesertFox
Level 56
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Page 3

Almost morning.Irushin prepares his knapsack with all the objects he needed in his quest.As a last thing, he wrote his mother a letter:

''Dear Mother

The nightmare I had made me to put a lot of questions, and I decided to look after answers for them, to make up with my thoughts, so I can defeat this ‘’new fear’’ I have .I know you will be worried, but I had no choice.I need to resolve this problem on my own.

With love,
Your beloved son
Irushin.''

Irushin have left his home and started his trip to Donetsk,to resolve this mystery once and for all.And the easiest way to travel was by train (or so he thought ).So, he headed for the train station, took a ticket ,entred in the train and prepared for the long journey.
The landscape was full of sorrow.It was raining.Irushin looked tired on the sunflower fields .Even the sunflowers were sad cause of this weather.In a moment he saw a scarecrow in the middle of the field.
‘’-This scarecrow looks a bit creepy.I wonder how he feels, sitting in the rain like that...’’.
Irushin have not managed to end the phrase , when suddenly, he saw the scarecrow started to run towards the train, with a knife, a long ,shining knife.
‘’-O no, not this again.Don’t come closer, please.”
Useless.The scarecrow was running faster and faster towards Irushin and jumped in .
‘’-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’’

Edited 3/13/2016 07:55:41
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/13/2016 15:15:58


Von Jewburg
Level 35
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9/10. Needs a bit of touching up, but a very good story.
''The Bayonet Killer''.: 3/13/2016 15:51:46


Cata Cauda 
Level 57
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Killer Scarecrows? Oh shit. I almost pissed my pants ._.
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