Dear Anti-X Capybara

I was playing basketball with a couple of my friends along with a male capybara, who unknown by me, was gay. After we played a couple rounds of basketball the capybara asked me out to lunch, his treat. My friends and I play the court quite a bit, and this was not the first time I had played with this particular capybara, so I obliged because, well hey, free food!
Unknown to me was the fact that he thought it was a date. Anyways, he took me to a classic Italian restaurant(which I thought was odd because it isn't the type of place guys go out to eat together, but I thought hey, it doesn't matter cause he's paying!) which he obviously frequents quite a bit, as all the of the staff knew who he was as well as the fact that he ordered off the menu. I enjoyed the food and our conversation a lot, but no where near enough to turn gay for.
Anyways, one of the waitresses was a girl I talked to from high school and we went to talking and I got her number, the capybara got ticked off and spilled his eggplant parm all over me and called me a jerk for trying to pick up girls while on a date with him, then told me he had strong feelings for me since the first day he met me, then said all men are jerks and stormed off.

I really never want to see this capybara ever again, what should I do? Should I still play basketball at that particular court? Its 12 minutes away from my house, and the next nearest one is 16 minutes away, is it really worth the extra 4 minute drive? Or will the capybara naturally just try to avoid me now that his heart is broken?

Should I continue my pursuit of the girl? If I do I might run into the capybara because I would spend more time at the Italian Restaurant and naturally increase my chances of running into the gay capybara, who is a regular.

Also, what made him think I was gay?

I can answer that last part, the fact that you like to play a sport with lots of man on man contact, i thought you were gay until this post

Dear Capybara,
I am sorry to inform you that male capybaras have mustache (being already viril for their mustache male capybaras don't need to learn an effeminate language as english properly), and since as far as I know trans genders capybaras don't exist, the fact that you don't have mustache prooves that you are a female capybara.
At least I have understood why your histeric and senseless comments occur every month with such a regularity!!!

P.S.
Thank you for having explained what Joe's Garage is, but I still have difficulties in understanding what a Frank Zappa is:(

I enjoyed the food [...] a lot, but no where near enough to turn gay for.

"This food is so great, I think I might be gay now."

There is no evidence of capybaras engaging in homosexual behaviour, or of playing basketball (please excuse this redundancy). So I will answer this question as a hypothetical, even though I have no particular expertise in this gender or species.

This 'capybara' has reacted in a typically boorish human way to this disappointment. Instead of a logical, intelligent response, he has thrown his eggplant parmesan out of the pram, like a badly-behaved juvenile capybara. With his skewed perception of reality, who can tell how he will act in the future? Nonetheless, you should pursue sexual relations with this waitress at all costs. I understand that you humans mate on land rather than water, so maybe you should start thinking about a suitable park or public building. It goes without saying that you should not attempt to mount her at her workplace, as this 'capybara' may try to interrupt you.

Regarding your dilemma with the 4 minute drive, remember that you would have to explain to your friends that you went on a date with a gay man, I mean capybara, which could lead to you being stoned to death, depending on where you live.

I cannot say for sure, but he probably thought you were gay because you agreed to go on a date with him.

Trollussa,

Your ignorance of Zappa further exposes your true species (human-Italian). I cannot comprehend the rest of your post (aside from the sexist remark in parentheses), but the absence of question marks suggest my time is being further wasted.

3 proofs of your being a female capybara:
Don't understand sarcasm (even if I hope your comment about Zappa was counter sarcastic).
Find any statement upon women's life sexist.
Ignore things you prefer not to read.

But lady capybara you have to accept your nature!
And my second post had no question marks because I wrote it in order to let you understand better the first post's question:O

?

There have been no questions in any of your tiresome posts.

I suppose my gender is irrelevent. But in previous posts I have mentioned being a male, and I am not a liar.

I will no longer acknowledge any of Trollussa's posts of this standard, so if I do not deny any further outrageous statements, that does not imply veracity.

Dear Capybara,
I am currently hiding in New York City from the Capybara mafia. It appears I greatly offended them by mating with the leaders wife. What should I do?
P.S. Please answer quickly, I think they are at my door!

Dear capybara,
Is there a age old feud between red pandas and capybars because there is a red panda on the forum that seems to despise you and your whole race.
Sincerely CPU Ryan

I have never even heard of this kind of panda.

Glad to see your thread has died. Everyone loves the panda and has forgotten about you.

Everyone loves the panda

I see an error in your post. "panda" should be "walrus".

@a man in search of answers,
you should ask for a platypus bodyguard
we are reliable and strong, as well as well armed (not that we have any arms) and legged (same).
DEFINITELY do not ask for a walrus guard, they're just brutes who can't follow the simplest of commands.

Anti anti, stop trolling, everyone knows a walrus is smarter then a platypus.

what's up with that?

Capybaras are vaguely similar to humans in some very broad respects. For instance, as the above picture evidences, some of us like to keep pets for company. This capybara keeps a female human and a cat, in a beautiful, emotionally symbiotic relationship which I believe humans refer to as "omg cute".

Although many capybaras keep humans as pets, cats and sea monkeys are found to be more rewarding creatures, and are far more popular.

Please remember to spay or neuter your human.

Dear Anti-x Capybara,

I am constantly being attacked by a stranger wearing a gorilla suit who wants to steal my cookies. And I'm afraid this stranger might be my girlfriend, so I don't want to say anything that might make her angry! Help!

Dear Anti-X Capybara

Though you are supreme species on this planet, you seem to be wearing a lead, controlled by a human (of all the species!). I'd like to know why.

Arun,

That is not a lead. The human equivalent would be a belt. As we all have very similar fur, capybaras need to accessorise.


Platypus,

This is a very common problem amongst humans. You should have no problems fending off a person in such cumbersome apparel. I would advise you to make sure that this aggressor is not an actual gorilla, as some gorillas can be even more bloodthirsty and hate-filled than humans, improbable though that may seem.

If it is your girlfriend, try changing the subject by mentioning a nearby lake where you might copulate. (Or, if you are an obstinate human, who insists on procreating on dry land, a field or some tarmac.)

[As we return, the capybara is on his deathbed. In his death throes, he is attended to by many devoted capybaras. His imminent departure has sharpened his mind and his wit, and the many capybaras who visit him in pilgrimage are eagerly received - he is desperate to dispense his wisdom.

It is in this spirit that he returns to the species that he found to warrant the highest criticism: the human. Though he was always benevolent to his inferiors, his impending mortality has softened his resentment of the human, and has offered him a greater patience for their follies. Like the mythical human "Jesus", he knows that he is most needed among the lowest of the low.

This is all a mere preface to an announcement - one that you have wished for in the windiest nights and the gloomiest days, the anticipation of which now warms your heart, which beats a little faster, as your eyes sear through this text at an exponential rate, so that you might sooner read the words that shall brighten your face with an expression of irrepressible joy: the capybara will once again be answering questions.

Do not hesitate to take the second chance that has so graciously been extended to you. The capybara lives on borrowed time, I am saddened to say. His time may come at any moment.]